Tuesday, 29 October 2013

All That Matters

You’re here, sweet one
And that’s all that matters

You think you have to be someone
Do something, go somewhere
But there’s only ever this
And there’s only ever you

This is all You ever wanted:
The mere fact of my presence
My sheer existence, nothing more
Whatever my shape
Whatever the skin I’m in
Whichever side of any line I’m on
All the rest irrelevant
I realise that now

All – all – that matters
Is that you’re here, sweet one. 

Friday, 25 October 2013


Yes, yes, I’ll come
I always knew I would
But had no idea how to start

Now, tentatively, I begin
Each step tiny, vulnerable
Faltering, always allowing
For the possibility of falling back

Yet the movement arising within
Knows its own way home
And has no need of a guide

Love beyond imagining

Thursday, 19 September 2013

There's Nothing Wrong Here

There’s nothing wrong here

Yes, you’re hurt, but that’s the point
To break open, to give up, to lay down your weapons
Your plans, your strategies, your objections
To finally say yes

It never had anything to do with working it out or understanding it
All you need do is see, and you’re already seeing

How could we have known?
It’s utterly innocent, and devastatingly beautiful

God is this
God is this floor, and this tune, and this cushion, and this nearly-cold tea
This pen, this hand, and this breath

Even the separation was never separate
Even the fading was always in full view
We’ve exhausted ourselves going precisely nowhere

Now we can hold hands and rest

Friday, 16 August 2013

What If?

What if I just let go?

What if all my "this is what you need and here's how to do it" is only fear?
What if all those doom-filled future scenarios are simply the imagination of a scared child?

What if I stop my fixing and organising and helping?
What if I stop pretending there's anything wrong here?
What if none of this is actually mine?

What if I'm heartbroken, ripped apart by the sheer beauty of it all?
What if I'm absolutely as I'm supposed to be?
What if all of this, every last part of it, is totally fine?

What if it's okay to move on, to leave it all behind?
What if there's nothing here to resolve, sort out, or understand?
What if it really is alright, just like this?

What if there's no effort required?
What if there's nothing other than this?
What if there's no reason to develop or change one iota?

What if I just let go?

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Such is Grace

You love me so much that You give me everything
Yet still I complain

And You, loving me as You do,
Let me complain
With Your hands held out
Full of offerings

In the certain knowledge
That eventually, the complaining will stop
And I will simply surrender to Your love

Such is Grace

Saturday, 25 May 2013

These Books and I

The books on these shelves here, to my left
Once laden with promise, heavy with the hope of salvation
Are no longer groaning under the weight of such responsibility

I supped greedily on those words
Desperately praying that the nectar of freedom
Might be magically conveyed via those pages
To transmute my undoubted suffering

Surely, I reasoned, the answer must reside somewhere in those sentences?

It's been a while since I last glanced across at them
Tonight, I notice some familiar words on the spines
(Mystery, spirit, vastness, heart, extraordinary)
And I see colours – dark blue, black, deep crimson, green –
Against the white of the bookcase

Otherwise, they seem strangely empty, offering nothing
No longer required to hold out hope
Relieved of the burden of redeeming me
These books and I now all free
To simply be what we always have been

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

The Axis

I thought I was important
I thought I was the centre of the universe

Believing I was the axis on which the Earth spun
I was, Atlas-like, carrying the world on my shoulders
And it was really very heavy

A momentary shift in perception
Reassures me that the world will not stop spinning
If I lie down and rest for a while

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Selling Yourself Short

My guess is
That you’re trying to not be what you are
So wonderfully, hysterically futile

My guess is
That you’re selling yourself woefully short
I know I did

I kept my sights in check
Punched well below my weight
Procrastinated, dissembled
And came up with a hundred excuses
Believing that if I hid beneath the parapet
I might escape the inescapable

Trying not to be this
Made me mad
Not all-out-bonkers insane
But contained, constrained, numb

Then the lying came to an abrupt halt
There I was, totally exposed
Deeply insecure, stumbling uncertainly
Rendered utterly incapable
Of being anything other than this, here, now

And inexplicably, incomprehensibly happy

Wednesday, 20 March 2013


Always scared of falling, I clung on
Holding fast to anything that seemed secure
Eventually, it all gave way
And I dangled, desperately bracing
Against the inevitable screaming descent
Of my solid body to the ground

Finally, I jump
(Having exhausted every other option)
But instead of the expected terrifying hurtle
I’m caught by a gentle upward draught

Stunned, I discover my weightlessness
And the total absence of places to land

All further struggle rendered unnecessary

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

This Is An All-Inclusive Ticket

Believing yourself unworthy, deeply flawed, or incomplete
You deny your total acceptability

However, if you read the small print
You’ll see that this is an all-inclusive ticket
With no caveats, exclusions, or conditions

There’s nothing to dispose of, box up or pack away
The price of admission covers everything
And no further payments are required

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Strangely Silent

Lately, this room has fallen strangely silent

The white table there, the books on the shelf,
And the two mismatched rugs, all suddenly quiet

The recently-gathered dust balls have ceased their taunting
No more recriminations from the dirt on the floor

No further complaints from the unopened paint cans
Not one extra dose of shame from the unpacked box
The yet-to-be-fixed coat hooks or even the peeling wallpaper

Now that there is no one here to listen
To take delivery of fault or blame
None of it has a word to say

How still this room has become
How strangely silent

Sunday, 3 March 2013

The Door

A long time ago
You began knocking at my door
And a thousand times a day
I’d refuse to answer
Believing that the door was locked
And that I didn’t have a key

I sought out master locksmiths
Thinking it was a complicated matter
Which would take some solving

Now it turns out
The door was always ajar
And you were simply waiting for me
To get up and open it

Sunday, 24 February 2013

On Barking Up The Wrong Tree

You’ve been barking up the wrong tree

You think you want out of this
But what you most long for is to be right in it

You think you want it all to stop
Yet what you’re yearning for is the start

You think you’re afraid to die
In fact, you’re afraid to live
Scared witless by your untamed aliveness

You think you want love to make you whole
When really what your heart most wants
Is for love to take you apart
So that you can taste the sweet fruits of annihilation

You think you should keep it all together
Your true longing is for it all to fall apart
So catastrophically that you’ll be left with nothing
And the game will be over

I know, I know
It all got so horribly complicated
And you thought that’s what life was

Trust me
When you see the sheer simplicity of this
It will take your breath away

Monday, 4 February 2013

On Sunday Afternoon

I contain the world.

I can’t be this
I’m not allowed to be this
I should be cut down to size, restricted, belittled.

Then comes the relief: I thought it would never end.
It’s over.
I made it.

I was barren, yet now I bear fruit.
Was lost, yet now am found.

Such heartbreaking beauty. The struggle is over.

I shut down.
I tried to keep it in.
I tried to keep it out.

I never wanted to leave, but there was no choice.
Heartbroken, we stumble.
Such desperate longing, yearning.

I thought I didn’t have it.
I thought I wasn’t God.
I failed to see my own perfection.

Constantly feeling there was something to be done.
It couldn’t be here or this.
It couldn’t be now.

Missing beyond missing.
Grief beyond grief.
Utterly, utterly undone. Laid waste. Razed to the ground.

The gatekeeper, the vigilant one
Parcelling, limiting, confining, controlling, holding, scared
Terrified witless, actually.

Such safety in limitation
Such safety in borders
Freedom and limitlessness so far beyond comprehension.

Lost and found were never, ever separate from each other.

Each other: such love in those words
The deep embrace we think we’ve lost
The deep embrace that never left.

In our brokenness lies our completeness
In our fragility lies our strength
We are forged by our undoing.
Falling into each other’s arms
All the richer for discovering there is no other.

Never abandoned, left or forsaken
Never betrayed, rejected or neglected
Such tales we tell.

Then what? We wonder.
What now?
No end and no beginning.
Blessed rest.